Raymond Chandler, private eye

“Hello, Chandler Investigations. Raymond Chandler speak– Why, hello, Mr. Domino…*sigh* Yes, Mr.Domino. We’ve been over this so many–

Mr.Domino– Mr. Domino, didn’t I tell you when you first contacted me that this sounded like something that would
get better results if I directed you and you did the legwork? You do remember that, right? OK, and didn’t I say that if I only act as a consultant and the customer does the legwork, I still get paid?…

Mr.Domino– Mr. Domino, please. That kind of language isn’t necessary. You do remember me telling you what I just said, don’t you? Didn’t I tell you just where you would find it, Mr. Domino?…

Yes… Yes, Mr. Domino, I appreciate that you’re upset. I understand all that you’ve been through. But was it my fault that you chose to go to Stamford and got lost looking for Strawberry Hill Road?… OK, and was it my fault that you went to Staten Island in New York City and got into an accident on your way to Richmond Hill?… Right, right. And was it my fault that you tried to drive that same car to San Francisco with a bad transmission and it gave out on one of those hills?

OK… OK, sir, do you see where this is heading?…

Mr.Domino… Mr. Domino, it really doesn’t serve any purpose for you to keep going on and on like this. The bottom line is, I told you where you would find it, and you chose to go to those other places first…

Mr.Domino, look, you have to admit that if you had followed my instructions from the beginning, you would have gone straight to Blueberry Hill and found your thrill without the wild goose chase–”

Well, how do you like that… he hung up. Oh well, the check cleared.

Now, where did I put that Lisa Stansfield file? She must be doing OK for herself. She’s paying good money for me to help her find her “Baby,” even after she’s “Been Around the World” looking for him…

* * * * *

More potential clients for Raymond Chandler:

Michael Jackson complains “Somebody’s Watching Me”…

Men at Work (remember them) are being followed and harrassed and want to know “Who Can It Be Now?”…

Lead singer of Tavares reports his wife missing and wants to know “Whodunit”…

Baha Men want to know “Who Let the Dogs Out”…

Lou Bega wants to know who broke into his recording studio and stole the tapes for his first four mambos, forcing him to release “Mambo Number 5” first…

Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Backstreet Boys, N*SYNC, 98 Degrees, O-Town, Eden’s Crush, and others want to know how they go about applying for fifteen more minutes…

Comment reposted from my old blog:

Cor said…

Oh, crap – it took me awhile but I finally figured it out. Blame
it on the jet-lag. An ambitious idea, smoothly executed.

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